Waiting to Exhale

Shamise' here!

hey loves! miss me?
aww sowwy, I know its been a while but the girl has been grinding. Writing is long overdue on my end. in the past 2 weeks I saw hell from my peripheral and that shit is literally hot!!!! before I begin let me give a shout out to one of my friends that read my blog *shifts head to the left raises right hand and waves* Hi Tnuppi! :)
Before June 2011 I was never involved in the Nigerian community. I speak my language, I know my culture yet I dont hang with my ppl? it didnt make sense, so I started slanging with them as a novist in the game. I was trully fresh meat we (swagnation) all were. Thats how I ended up in that mess I wrote about in my earlier blogs. Sitting back and watching the men in my community I remember why I always told myself I dont like Nigerian men. call me stereotypical! idgaf! its real out there. It's rare you find a a good Nigerian man. not to say that they aren't out there, they're just hard to find. Shout out to the good Nigerian men out there (Hi Dad! :) !!! so now that im done with that relationship I can focus more. The longer I go without a man the more I realize how spoiled I was. im literally relapsing right now, I think too much, my mood swings and I start hating myself sometimes. Last time I felt like this, I went into deep depression. that wont happen this time im cutting this shit at the root. I love myself too much. so I burry myself in school work but thats not enough. I need too go back to work for me to feel whole.
There is this guy (yes, he's Nigerian) I want to laugh soo bad right now because this guy tries to come off as something that he's not. the first convo we had on the phone he had the audacity to ask me if I like shy men (O_o) he then proceeds to tell me that he himself is shy (-______-) that sounded too familiar. I knew from then to take him lightly because he's not serious about his life. Intraverts never admit that they are intraverts. Come on son!!!!!! He keeps blowing my phone up and I dont answer. he'll text me and tell me he wants me to come to his friends house. (WHY????) all this is after admitting to me that he doesnt like Nigerian girls in the DMV. Well thats funny because I AM A NIGERIAN GIRL IN THE DMV!!!! uugghhh in turned off. why dont you wanna take me somewhere classy? Do you really have to taste me first?! Now I will admit when I first met him I was attracted to him. I mean, he's tall and dark skin and to top it off he has a british accent. yyuummm he's actually a model. cool beans right? yea, but I know he just wants to fuck and thats DEAD! im done with that. The next time I get into something with a guy it will be genuine, meaningful and it will have purpose. Im too thru with wasting my time. Im 21 turning 22 my mom will start asking me where my boyfriend is soon. whether I have one or not I want to be mentally prepared to be serious. I have to buckle down and get serious about alot of stuff school, money, family and religion. I'm still looking for my spiritual side. I let you know what I find. speaking of which there is this other guy he's french...yuummm again!!! he has a nice physique and a nice smile he's light skinand he's in school in the pre-med program. Very smart young man, he wants to go to Harvard Medical next year. I love it! what do I love more? the fact that he practically worships me. He's very sweet but I just hope he's not sweet for it! ( D.C Slang, I hope he's not soft) we talked about Religion we have pretty much the same views so it made for a nice convo. If you havn't noticed I love men with accents and I love intelligent men. I like to learn from them ;) anyways in the present time im a bit irritated it has to do with the organization im apart of. sometimes I ask myself why I even bother being apart. I dream big! but everyone isnt like that but see I dont want to use the fact that your not me to justify why we can't be on the same page. but whatever, ill just play my role. However God wants to use me in this life im willing to submit. Islam, Allaahu Alim. Inshaa Allaah ill be able to clear my mind before 2012 begins. something about that year screams fulfilment, promising, wealth and clarity. We'll see though. well im rambling right now so im out. Till the next time Swaggers & Swaggerettes *gently hangs mic up and exits stage left*