...to be relieved of pressure or discharged by means of a VENT.

I wrote this on February 17, 2010. I stumbled upon it today and I was in shock because I somewhat feel the same way I felt almost a year ago. :-/


Im my 19 yrs of living I feel like ive been through so much, and its true i have. Ive learned so much, and ive lost so much. I havnt quite learned the whole meaning of life as yet or understand the way it works, but im trying. Im tired, im so tired, im tired of everyones bs, im tired of being stressed out frustrated and angry about the things people do to me, im tired of trying to please ppl, im tired of loosing ppl in my life, im tired of fake people, im tired of trying to live up to what you want me to be, im tired of not knowing what i want to do with my life, im tired of people not caring, im tired of caring so much and then having it thrown back in my face, im tired of not knowing how to trust, im tired of not having anyone to trust, im tired of trusting people then having them stab me in the heart, im tired of people labeling me and telling me im this and im that, im tired of being blamed for the wrong things other "people" do,im so tired of being tired, if im that bad of a person why dont you just leave me alone. You say im mean, yu say im rude, you say im disrespectful, you say i dont care(But when i did, it always seemed like i was the one that did, & ended up getting a slap in the face)you say this you say that...and i sit and wonder why i am the way i am and honestly i really dont know.

Sometimes i feel like the way I am is because of the people i let in my life, but i cant blame other people for my behavior, its not right. I allowed myself to get this way. I miss the old me, the nice me, the caring me, the silly me, where did that girl go? && how can i get her back to better her? Will i ever find her? Do i even want to find her? All these thoughts run through my mind and i dont even do anything to change them, i should, but i dont. So what to do now? Stay in this rut im in? Or keep pushing my self to be better, not only for me but for the people around me. In this world that we live in now i know it gonna be hard, but im gonna keep pushing. I mean really who am I to complain, im pretty sure theres a lot of other people in this world that have it worse than me...so why complain.

I wish life could just slow down, i feel like everything is moving so fast && it is. I will forever believe that everything happens for a reason, and everything is just for a season. Sometimes i wish i wasnt such a hypocrite, i mean i say im a christian but i dont act like it at all...shame on me, i know. I feel like if i just get right with God everything would be fine, not saying im not going to have some hard times, i will, but only because it would make me stronger and plus God wouldnt give me anything i couldnt handle.

To be continued